PEBBLE
May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
~Jonathan Lockwood Huie, shared by John in Memphis, TN
BOULDER
We discover a gracious capacity for empathy when we learn to lean into our hurt places with the tender curiosity and care of a close friend.
~Kristi Nelson, shared by Holly in Phoenix, AZ
PONDER
Over the years I’ve worked hard to develop and refine the voice I use when assembling these weekly Ripples. I want to be upbeat but not too upbeat, encouraging without berating, aspirational without drifting into delusion, more curious than commanding. It’s a similar voice I use when giving talks, and even when chatting with someone who has reached out for support or advice.
But when I’m talking to myself? Oh boy can my internal chatter still show up as relentless, judgy, and just plain mean.
Can you relate?
You’d think that after this many years of refining the voice I use to encourage others, along with many years of personal growth, healing, and therapy, my internal voices might sync up a little more often with the one I use to support everybody else.
The bad news is that old habits die hard. Patterns formed early in our lives, while our operating systems were still being developed, can become remarkably sturdy. They’re probably not going to disappear just because we’ve gotten better at recognizing them.
The good news is that I have gotten better at noticing when my harsher inner critics are activated. Sometimes I’m able to ask myself, “How would I be speaking to a friend in this situation?” and then pivot toward a gentler tone.
Maybe that’s the best I can hope for: to keep noticing, to pivot when I can, and to be as gentle as possible with myself when I get pulled back into those cranky arguments with myself. (Being less judgy with my most judgy self is actually a win!)
If you’re familiar with these inner struggles, consider this an invitation and a challenge: whenever possible this week, make an extra effort to be extra gentle with yourself.
Are you in?
Peace,
Paul
P.S. If you’re not familiar with Michael Galyon’s calm social media posts, sample this one. And maybe this one, too.