PEBBLE
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.
~Prentis Hamphill, shared by Abbey in Rice Lake, WI (via Laura Killingbeck’s post)
BOULDER
It’s important to have boundaries in life, but sometimes you may feel guilty for enforcing them. Aren’t I supposed to be generous? Am I unkind if I say no to this? The question isn’t whether to be flexible or firm, but when to be each one. A good life has a healthy mix of selfish boundaries and unselfish giving. You don’t have to be all things at all times. Sometimes you pour for others and sometimes you refill your own cup.
–James Clear, shared by Sara in Madison, WI
PONDER
Gary Chapman originally identified five Love Languages (acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch), but it’s quite common to hear people use the term when describing their devotion to certain activities or things. For example, my best friend Ron always shows up on time, and he expects others to do the same. Punctuality is one of his love languages, I’m sure of it. I don’t think it would surprise you to learn that inspirational quotes are one of my love languages (oh, and dessert is another one…especially Dairy Queen, Oreons, and my sweetie’s oatmeal chocolate chip cookies).
The quotes above have helped me realize that building and maintaining healthy relationship boundaries have gradually become another of my love languages. As a highly senstivie and highly empathic human being with fairly strong people-pleaser tendencies, it’s taken me years (decades!) to effectively and humanely implement them in my life. Even with lots of therapy and lots of practice, cultivating a “healthy mix of selfish boundaries and unselfish giving” remains a challenge. (Adulting is work, and so are relationships!). There are still times when my choices disappoint people that I deeply care about, and sometimes I let myself down, too.
Still, it’s become quite clear to me that healthy boundaries are super helpful for the proper care and feeding of The Ripples Guy. They are the Oreo sprinkles on the connectionary confections of my relationshipy life: sometimes it’s a bit tricky to get just the right amount and yet oh so satisfying when I do.
Peace,
Paul
P.S. We explored the topic of Healthy Boundaries last year in Ripples #1251, and I also took a deeper dive into my take on boundaries in a virtual talk I gave with the Team Ripples Patreon Community. You are welcome to watch it on YouTube or listen via The Ripples Pondcast, episode 64
