Ripples #1313: Cooperating with Inevitability

PEBBLE

If you are trying to have a different experience than the one you are having, you will never be able to see the present moment clearly.
~Sayadaw U Tejaniya, shared by Madeline in California

BOULDER

Student: What is the secret of your serenity?
Teacher: Wholehearted cooperation with the inevitable.
~Anthony de Mello (lightly edited), shared by Terri in New Hampshire

PONDER

Stuff happens. And some of the Stuff that happens is stuff that we wish wasn’t happening.

It is normal and natural to be disappointed, frustrated and/or freaked out when certain Stuff happens. And it is even understandable that we might initially resist it or even pretend that it isn’t happening. We also might spend time being frustrated about it and/or really sad that we weren’t able to keep it from happening. Denial, anger, sadness…I’m guessing you’ll recognize all of these from Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross’ research and writing on the stages of grief.

What is there to grieve, you might be wondering? The answer is usually some combination of the way you thought things were going to go down and how you wish things would have turned out. In order to get on with our lives, we have to grieve the loss and say goodbye to the way we thought things would unfold and the way we hoped they would unfold. Failure to do so won’t make the Stuff go away, and it may actually get bigger and badder if we wait too long.

Whenever you need help letting go of the way you wanted things to turn out, it might help to remember three “transition traditions” many cultures use to help with the process of letting go:

Graduation Ceremony
When we wrap up a certain period of time in school, we often recognize the transition to the next stage with a graduation ceremony. Perhaps it is time to graduate from one way of thinking/feeling/activing so you can commence the next phase of life.

Retirement Party
If the Stuff you’re dealing with will require you to significantly change your life after living in a certain way for a really long time, maybe a retirement party is in order. You can raise a glass to the years of work you put in to doing things a certain way, making it a little easier to transition to the next phaste of life.

Memorial Service
Big, permanent loss may best be acknowledged with a memorial service, a chance to be sad about what you’re losing and also to be grateful for the time it lasted.

If you end up trying one of these, I hope it helps, and I hope you serve cake. Cake almost always helps make things better, ya know?

Peace,
Paul
P.S. Whenever you notice a part of you still resisting your efforts to face the reality of the situation, it might help to ponder the wisdom of Byron Katie…she often says that any time we argue with reality, we will lose that battle approximately 100% of the time.

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